I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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