It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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