like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
