Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
