So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
