Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
