My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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