her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
