You're completely useless in the revolution.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
