She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
