bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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