hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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