I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
