someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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