I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
