How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
