i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
