I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
