She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
