I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
