She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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