Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Randomize
