Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
