Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
