Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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