Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
