Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
