Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
