College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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