The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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