My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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