he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
