So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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