life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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