I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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