this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You ate ashes out of my bong
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
