hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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