It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize