i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
