hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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