I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
