If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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