How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
