I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
