Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
