he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
