there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
