I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
