just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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