took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
