I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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