Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
